When a Car loves a Car
by Larkafree
Summary: The boys as Cars! Based off the Pixar movie of the same name. Dean and Cass learn a valuable lesson...the hard way. Car!sex Car!Mpreg. Destiel. WARNING: a little cute and a little disturbing. Crack!fic


**This awesome creation is the baby of aLoggedInReader and my own minds.**  
**It all started by me getting super excited that my car was all fixed and waiting for me at the Body Shop, but it was a long weekend so the place wasn't open until Tuesday and I wanted my baby back. I admitted when I see her (my car) I will stroke her previously damaged fender lovingly. Apparently that's bordering on pornographic...*shrugs* That sparked what would it be like if the boys were cars, so I assign a model to each boy and my crazy mind wonders what Dean and Castiel's car babies would be... And voila! A crack fic is born, lol. And then she had to double dare me to actually write the cars 'doing it'... Can't turn down a double dare so... Warn ya its funny, but distrurbing in my mind.**** Enjoy!**

* * *

Dean Winchester was a celebrity in the vintage car circuit. He was a fully restored, customized and rebuilt black 1969 Chevy Impala. His manager, a brown 1987 Ford Aerostar named Bobby was keeping him toned and fit for his shows. The Impala's best friend Gabriel, a yellow 1969 VW Beetle with a bold black mustache told him about this amazing shop where you can tune up your performance, installing high performance air intakes and custom suspensions.

That's how he met Castiel, a fire red 2009 Ford Mustang GT coupe. The owner of the shop Sam, a 2008 navy blue Dodge Charger was pleased to have a celebrity there and offered him the royal treatment. The Mustang was not initially impressed by the arrogance of his current client.

Dean was rather rude to Castiel, telling him to make sure he didn't neglect cleaning the wheel wells and polishing his rims to a fantastic shine. Castiel does his job, tuning the cocky Impala, but leaves him on the hoist for an hour.

While up in the air Dean contemplates his attitude and realizes the Mustang was right to leave him there. He apologizes as soon as he sees Castiel's headlights. "Dude, Castiel, I'm sorry I'm such an asshat, I don't do it on purpose."

He accepts the apology, concluding the cockiness stems from not knowing how to flirt correctly and asks the car out on a drive.

Dean is unsure what the Mustang is attempting to achieve by asking him out, but agrees. A drive is innocent enough.

* * *

Cass takes him along a winding mountain road, it's quiet and tranquil. Dean is nervous to say the least. He doesn't know what to talk about on this 'date'. He's never been attracted to a guy before. It's always been snobby girls.

Bela was the first. She was a bitchy black 2008 Lambourgini. He thought she was a goddess, in the end he was happy when it was over. Turns out she was a gold-digging whore instead. Lisa came shortly afterwards, a pink 1995 Sunfire. She was more grounded, but still high maintenance. Lastly was Jo, a dark green Ford F-150. She was the best girlfriend he ever had, but nothing lasts for him. She was killed in a horrific accident on the highway about three years ago. He mourned her death, but knew she'd want him to love again.

Castiel clears his throat when he pulls off at the top of the mountain pass. Dean follows and gasps at the view. Below is a valley of rich forests and farmlands. The vintage car has not spent much time out in the country. It was always rushing and stressing, never any time to enjoy the scenery. It's a nice change of pace. He still doesn't know how Bobby ever agreed to let him have the day off, but now he can't be bothered to dwell on that thought. He is currently parked on a mountain pass, watching a beautiful sunset overlooking a majestic farmland, with a hot sports car, enjoying his time away from the city and car circuit.

Cass moves in close to the vintage car and sneaks in a quick bumper rub, pulling away when Dean gasps, speechless. "Sorry, my apologies; got caught up in the scene. It won't happen again."

Dean catches himself and moves back in, "Don't apologize. You didn't do anything wrong, Cass." Dean nuzzles the Mustang's bumper back. "I'm just new at this date thing. Never really watched a sunset on top of a mountain before, just give me time to adjust, okay?"

Cass nods his understanding and sighs as the sun sinks behind the horizon.

They drive back to the hustle of the city soon afterwards.

Dean is actually in a good mood the next day when Bobby gives him the bad news that his trip to Paris for the Annual Classic Cars Convention was cancelled.

Bobby notices the change in demeanour, but shrugs it off as having a good day off.

* * *

The two cars hit it off immediately. Once Dean gets over the fact he likes a boy Mustang they can be found smooching in the bleachers at most of Dean's shows. Gabriel is so happy his best friend has finally found love. He isn't one to comment on the fact he totally hooked them up though.

A month and a week after their first date Castiel and Dean take the final big step and get intimate. The Mustang was quite a flexible lover. Dean was apprehensive to go all the way, with a guy, but Castiel reassured him that they would go as slow as Dean felt comfortable and could stop at any time.

Dean nods at Castiel's tenderness, knowing that the Mustang was more experienced in this than himself, even though he was older.

They were currently in Cass' place, Dean was parked by the TV, watching the Piston Cup Finals. Castiel gets his boyfriend's attention with a quick and tender fender rub. Dean's attention was off the TV in a second. He stroked Cass' fender back with his front wheel. Both cars nuzzled bumpers as the TV was turned off by Dean. They were kissing, tongues roaming inside each other's mouths, memorizing each crevice.

Dean lets out a quiet moan as he feels Castiel move behind him, tongue roaming down his body, making his way to Dean's trunk and gas tank. The Impala shakes slightly when he feels his muffler being breached by a warm, wet tongue. His whole chassis shudders when the tongue pushes in deep, flicking around the opening. Dean moans his boyfriend's name.

Cass chuckles at the change in Dean's voice. He knows this is a big step for the Impala, being with another guy. Once he's sure he has gotten Dean fairly relaxed he pulls his tongue out of his boyfriend's muffler and strokes his back bumper slowly, tracing along his trunk with a wheel rim and tire. "Are you okay Dean? We can stop?"

Dean shakes his hood. "No Cass, I want this, just do it, please. I need you so bad."

The Mustang pinches Dean's gas lid and mounts his trunk. Cass lines his power steering line up and pushes inside Dean's tailpipe, slow and steady, allowing Dean to adjust to the feeling.

Dean gasps at the fullness of being entered. He didn't know if it would be painful, now he knows it doesn't hurt, just feels weird. Dean lets out a breath he didn't know he was holding and relaxes.

Cass feels when Dean lets the tension go. He sets a slow and steady pace allowing Dean to enjoy the feeling through is entire chassis, right down to the roll cage.

Dean is soon panting heavily as is Castiel. Moans and groans are heard from both cars as they near completion. Dean is first to lose control, shooting power steering fluid all over the ground embarrassingly.

Castiel is seconds behind him, pumping his fluid deep inside Dean with a grunt and groan. He pulls his line out of Dean's tailpipe tenderly, knowing Dean's muffler will be sore for a while. "Dean, are you okay?"

Dean sighs contently, "Damn Cass. Is it always like that? You made me bust a nut so fast."

Castiel wipes off the dribbles from his undercarriage with a rag. "Not usually, but it was your first time. You were very sensitive, you best rest for a bit. We don't wanna overdo it too fast." Cass nuzzles Dean's door as he helps clean Dean up. They both rest, watching a daytime talk show until Bobby calls to tell Dean he is needed at the office.

Castiel kisses Dean good bye after making sure he was all cleaned up and steady on his wheels.

After that day they do it on a regular basis. Once Sam drove in on Castiel and Dean in a rather inappropriate position, it was a tense week at the shop after that.

* * *

Four months later Bobby notices Dean is always tired and very cranky. He calls the car into his office to have a talk. The Aerostar has a dipstick for Dean.

The Impala is weary to enter, knowing he's in trouble. He just has no clue why or how to fix it.

"Come on in boy, we gotta talk." Bobby waits for his surrogate son to enter. He is nearly certain he knows what is wrong.

Dean enters slowly, unsure.

"I know you have been seeing that Castiel car from Sammy's shop."

Dean's hood goes a slight shade of pink at the statement.

Bobby continues, "I only say this 'cause I have to ask you a very personal question. I don't care personally if you like guys. That's your business, but did you boys use…protection?"

That's when Dean tries to reverse out of the office, but finds the door closed. "What? Like a filter? I thought those were only for girls..." Dean mutters, trailing off, realization sparks in his computer.

Bobby laughs, "damn Idjits!" He pushes the dipstick towards the black car and nods. "I need some oil."

Dean blanches, but complies.

Five minutes later Bobby is grinning and Dean is freaking out, stalled right there in the office.

Gabe is given the task of calling Castiel and asking him to stop by soon.

The red Mustang is nervous when he rolls in to see Dean being boosted in the corner, wires hooked up to his various components.

The sight is a little more than Castiel was prepared for. He revs his engine nervously. "Hello Bobby," he states in a small voice.

"Thanks for coming on such short notice, Castiel. Are you aware that filters are needed for any and all couplings of cars?" Bobby tries to use a serious tone.

Castiel shakes his head.

Bobby honks his horn in utter frustration. "I'm surrounded by damn morons..."

They both look to Dean. The Impala has finally regained consciousness and is hiding in the corner.

"Guess it's too late to tell ya now. Dean is expecting. By the looks of it it's triplets. There's three engine beats."

Castiel is shocked, gasping for air. "When is he due?" He manages to sputter out between shocked breaths.

Bobby looks to the read outs, examining them carefully. He responds cheerfully, "looks to be in two months."

Castiel races to his boyfriend's side, his bumper nuzzling Dean's wheel, tenderly.

Bobbly clears his throat gruffly. "Keep that outta my office boys. I know it's a shock, but this is serious news. An official statement will need to be released soon. Dean is expected at shows in the next few months, which now we know he can't."

Both cars nod, solemnly, understanding the situation. His nurse Ellen a 2010 Toyota Prius shows Dean and Castiel their children. They are small, only the size of model cars, but both cars are emotional at the sight. Castiel's windshield gets slightly misty when he gazes upon the creation he and the Impala have sparked. They are both sent home with a picture of the outline of three cars in Dean's trunk space.

The next day Castiel and Dean are to exchange pink slips, effectively marrying in the eyes of God. An hour later the press is informed of the nuptials. It's a frenzy at the office for Bobby, answering a million questions.

Gabriel can't stop his smartass remarks, even after Bobby threatens to get his exhaust pipe bent. Dean is rather emotional over the next few days, especially when Gabe comments on the 'junk in his trunk' and calling him Castiel's baby mama.

Dean is on leave until the babies are due. Castiel works extra shifts, trying to save for when the little cars arrive and he takes some time off to care for the little ones.

* * *

The big day arrives, Dean is sputtering like a broken down pickup truck. He is rushed to the garage with Castiel faithfully by his side.

When Dean is wheezing in agony Castiel knows it's nearly time. He shoos everyone out if the room including Gabe's boyfriend, his boss Sam.

The doctor is a sleek blue 2008 Aston Martin Vanquish named Balthazar.

Dean swears on his mother's life that he is going to kill Castiel for ever convincing him to bottom.

The Mustang blushes at his hubby's proclamation. The Vanquish leans in, "he doesn't mean it Cassie. He's just in pain and needs to vent at someone. I'm sure he loves you endlessly."

Castiel smiles and pushes through the insults.

Once the first little car is born it gets easier, and faster. In the end there are two boys and a girl. They name the bright red one Lee, the blue one is Luka and the little black one is named Jess.

The doctor inspects each for defects, deems them all healthy Dodge Challengers and signs their pink slips.

The children are roughly four feet in length and three feet in width, the size of a power wheels.

Both parents are excited to start off with their family immediately. The boys are gutsy and try to goad their little sister into chasing them around the garage, Castiel asserts his fatherly authority and they all leave to give Dean time to rest his transmission, three babies is hard work on any car, but the Impala is a vintage, custom rebuilt car, so a little extra time is understandable.

* * *

The first few days are entertaining, lots of accidents but neither parent mind. Both are just happy knowing they created life with their love.

The children grow rapidly, by the age of one year they are nearly full sized Dodge Challengers.

Dean and Castiel love each other and their very independent children. Dean has re-entered the car circuit again, while Castiel is moping around the empty house, complaining how quiet it is.

Dean knows what he's hinting at, but he can't see justifiably taking another year off.

That night Dean suggests a plausible alternative and solution to Castiel's empty nest feeling.

Within a month Dean is announcing his husband's pregnancy to Bobby, Gabriel and Sam. All of them are thrilled, even Balthazar is happy. This time the nurse, Ellen informs them they are expecting twins, she thinks. Honestly the cars are too small still to tell definitively, they are the size of Hot Wheels.

* * *

Four months later Dean has taken another leave from the circuit, this one shorter as he is not the one recovering from carrying baby cars in his trunk (even though he has the bigger trunk space).

Castiel is rushed to the garage where Balthazar is waiting to help him deliver his twin girls, Shelly and Lola. Both jet black Challengers are deemed in mint condition and sent home with their daddies. Castiel is younger than Dean so he is up and driving around in less than a week, chasing his little girls.

After two years the older Challenger cars are deemed adults. Luka wants to get custom rims and a grill, while Jess is asking for a tattoo on her trunk. Lee has already gotten a custom paint job, changing his colour to a bright orange instead of a red like his father. They visit often, helping keep the girls entertained from time to time.

After successfully raising five well-mannered Challengers and winning many titles Dean and Castiel Winchester decide to retire; Sam and Gabriel have now raised their own family. Three navy blue VW Jettas, Jacob, Inias and Chuck, a red Jetta named Samandriel, their most successful son. Also a yellow Beetle named Alexia, and a black Jetta Madison. Sam carried all the cars, Gabriel had absolutely no trunk space, plus he'd look weird pregnant it was decided.

* * *

**And there you have it! The crackiest fic I've ever written...**


End file.
